Men Are Just “Happier” People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one is just too icky. You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on …
… sandy beaches with the sun shining most of the day almost every day on your deck on the small abode, reflecting on an incoming humming tide, and warming your skin in a gentle way; with an 18-hole golf course just a walk away with a 19th hole that looks over that same sandy beach and a crowd of buddies to play with; and a friendly, fashionable, gallery filled little town just a short walk or drive away, is the best place to spend your retirement.
… a small mountain log cabin located in a forest of green trees and …
You leave work for the day and everyone says, “Have a good time!”…or “See you when I see you!”…or, “Don’t forget to write or send us a postcard!” You shuffle the briefcase, or tote bag or whatever is in your hands, and check out of work. You stop and give a hearty wave aimed at all your colleagues who are still hard at it and say a breathy, “See yah”. And when you drive away with the job in your rearview mirror you think about the good times you are going to have.
Later you are sitting on a lounge …
DEATH OF THE OLD COW
Suddenly, a cow runs out into the road and a Limo driving late at night hits it head on and the car comes to a stop. The woman in the back seat – in her usual abrasive manner, says to the chauffeur “You get out and check on that poor cow–you were driving.”
So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is dead but it appeared to be very old.
Well, says the woman, “You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer in that lighted farmhouse over there”
Two hours …
To help save the economy and see if a positive boost could be given to Obamas growing problems the Government will announce next month that the Department of immigration will start deporting seniors (instead of illegal’s) in order to lower Social Security and Medicare costs.
Older people are easier to catch and will not remember how to get back home.
I started to cry when I thought of you.
Then it dawned on me… oh, shit… I’ll see you on the bus.
An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 AM and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking, and staying out late.”
The officer then asked, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?”
The man replied, “That would be my wife.”
“Unfortunate,” was our understated response to the weather forecast. We are no longer teens who love to ski. We are grandmothers who walk carefully in sensible shoes. “Silk long underwear,” my sister advised. “Lumavera facial care stuff,” I added, thinking the weather would put my latest find in anti-aging facial creams to the test.
Obama goes on a State visit to Israel , and while he is on a tour of Jerusalem he has a fatal heart attack.
The undertaker tells the US diplomats: “You can have him shipped home for $1 million or you can bury him here in the Holy Land for $100.”
The US diplomats go into a huddle and come back to the undertaker and tell him they still want Obama flown home.
The undertaker is puzzled and asks: “Why would you spend $1 million to get him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here …
You don’t have to be Catholic to appreciate this one!!
The store clerk called 911 when they saw him collapse to the floor.
The paramedics rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.
He awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clipboard loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he …
Stay Young My Friend
We all need to read this one over and over – until it becomes part of who we are!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG 1. Try everything twice. On one woman’s tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph: “Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!” 2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down. (Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)
3. Keep learning: Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever… Never let the brain get idle. ‘An idle mind …