Author Archives: senioraddy

ANDY ROONEY ON JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING

Andy Rooney on Vegetarians:

“Vegetarian – that’s an old Indian word meaning ‘lousy hunter.’”


Andy Rooney On Prisoners:

Did you know that it costs forty-thousand dollars a year to house each prisoner? Jeez, for forty-thousand bucks apiece, I’ll take a few prisoners into my house. I live in Los Angeles. I already have bars on the windows. I don’t think we should give free room and board to criminals. I think they should have to run twelve hours a day on a treadmill and generate electricity. And if they don’t want to run, they can rest in the chair that’s hooked up to the generator.


Andy Rooney On Fabric Softener:

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, “Married!” and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it’s hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.


Andy Rooney On Morning Differences :

Men and women are different in the morning. We men wake up aroused in the morning. We can’t help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, ‘How can he want me the way I look in the morning?’ It’s because we can’t see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.


Andy Rooney On Phone-In-Polls:

You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there’s always like 18% that say “I don’t know.” It costs 90 cents to call up and vote and they’re voting “I don’t know.” Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Says into phone) “I DON’T KNOW!” (Hangs up looking proud.) Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you’re not sure about.” This guy probably calls up phone sex girls for $2.95 to say, “I’m not in the mood.”


Andy Rooney On Cripes:

My wife’s from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like ‘Cripes’. ‘For Cripe’s sake.’ Who would that be — Jesus Cripe’s? The son of ‘Gosh’ of the church of ‘Holy Moly’? I’m not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in ‘Heck’?


Andy Rooney On Grandma:

My grandmother has a bumper sticker on her car that says, ‘Sexy Senior Citizen.’ You don’t want to think of your grandmother that way, do you? Out entering wet shawl contests. Makes you wonder where she got that dollar she gave you for your birthday.


Andy Rooney On Answering Machines:

Did you ever hear one of these corny, positive messages on someone’s answering machine? ” Hi , it’s a great day and I’m out enjoying it right now. I hope you are too. The thought for the day is: “Share the love.” Beep. “Uh, yeah…this is the VD clinic calling….Speaking of being positive, your test results are back. Stop sharing the love.”


Andy Rooney on Research:

Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer’s Disease research, it is believed that by the year 2030 there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections…who can’t remember what to do with them.

BENEFITS OF HAVING A COMPUTER

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family. His wife watches TV all day and his three teenage kids have dropped out of high school to hang around with the local toughs.

He applies for a janitor’s job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test. The human resources manager tells him, “You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day.”

Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the manager replies, “You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day.”

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers’ market and sees a stand selling 25lb crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than two hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100 per cent profit.

Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several bags of groceries for his family. During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day.

By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into the night. He multiplies his profits quickly. Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.

At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she ca n keep books for him.

By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard. Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse which his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys manage. The tomato company’s payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed a million dollars.

Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically. When the man replies that he doesn’t have time to mess with a computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned.

“What, you don’t have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you’d had all of that five years ago!”

“Ha!” snorts the man. “If I’d had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.15 an hour.”

Which brings us to the moral: ……………………. Since you got this story by e-mail, you’re probably closer to sweeping floors than being a millionaire.

THE PUBLIC SPEAKER

According to my web site, I am a gifted public speaker in high demand. In this case, “high demand” means the same as “no one ever calls,” because unless you count the time my high-school principal made me go on the intercom and confess that it was I who put a whoopee cushion on his chair at the last school assembly, I haven’t really done much public speaking.

So I was more than a little excited when I received a call from the director of a place called Candlewood Living, asking if I’d come give a talk to the residents. “We always have a pretty good turnout for Leno,” he advised me.

Leno? I was going to be following Jay Leno? I gripped the phone, concentrating on not panting. The words “HBO Special” started streaming across my mental vision. “I think I have that date open,” I stated carefully, looking at my blank calendar.

“So what’s your fee?” he asked me.

My fee? I closed my eyes. They were going to pay me? Me, the boy whose parents used to bribe him not to talk when the neighbors came over for dinner? “Um, I usually charge five hundred dollars,” I lied, willing to negotiate.

“Well, we can’t afford to pay anything.”

Probably blew their budget on Leno. “That’s okay,” I negotiated.

A week later I found myself standing in front of the television in an intimate setting of couches and wheelchairs, nervously shuffling my index cards. The director of Candlewood Living told me I could start any time.

“This is where you do Leno?” I queried, glancing around the small room.

“Yeah, anybody who is still awake comes in to watch him every night,” he told me.

I cleared my throat. “Well hello,” I greeted the group. “A funny thing happened to me on the way back from…” I peered at my index card. What did it say? Paris? When the heck was I in Paris?

A man wearing glasses with black frames so thick they could properly be called “girders” held up his hand.

“Um, let’s hold questions until the end,” I told him.

“I just want to say, it’s time to replace the carpet in the hallway.”

“Oh Bert, not again,” a woman moaned.

“What do you care?” Bert demanded. “You have more shoes than anybody.”

Another hand went up. “What do you do, exactly?”

“I’m a humorist,” I responded uncomfortably.

Everyone looked at me in horror.

“What kind of way is that to make a living?” my questioner challenged angrily.

This conversation sounded an awful lot like the one I’d been having with my father for the past several years. Since I already knew how it turned out, I was reluctant to get involved in this debate.

“I’m not like these other people. I’ve been as regular as clockwork. The trick isn’t fiber, you just have to eat an apple a day,” another man confided to me.

“So I was on my way back from Paris,” I read from my card.

“Let the boy speak,” Bert interrupted.

“Thank you,” I responded gratefully.

“I just want to get this over with,” Bert advised me.

“Son, would you mind scooting to the right just a little?” a nice old lady requested, making a waving motion with her hand. I slid to the right and stepped a little closer so she could see me better. “That’s good,” she nodded. She reached into her shawl and brought out the television remote.

“We’re not watching Dukes of Hazard again,” one man warned.

“Have you even seen the carpet in the hallway?” Bert demanded.

“Oh Bert,” sighed the woman with many shoes.

“Well no,” I admitted, “but this funny thing happened to me–”

“Well come on, I’ll show it to you,” Bert suggested, standing up.

“Why should he care about some carpet?” asked the man who ate apples regularly.

“Isn’t that what he does for a living?” Bert sneered.

Apparently this was a good point, because no one argued. In fact, most of them seemed transfixed by the Home Shopping Network.

“Well, thanks for having me,” I read from the last card in the deck.

No one applauded.

– write to the author at bruce@wbrucecameron.com

The Cameron Column, A Free Internet Newsletter
Copyright W. Bruce Cameron 2002
http://www.wbrucecameron.com/

THE AWAKENING

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it… When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective. This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.” You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you’ve received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:

  • how you should look and how much you should weigh
  • what you should wear and where you should shop
  • where you should live or what type of car your should drive
  • who you should sleep with and how you should behave
  • who you should marry and why you should stay
  • he importance of having children or what you owe your family

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK… they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a “perfect 10″ Or a perfect human being for that matter. So you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that “it is truly in giving that we receive [1] and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of “creating” & “contributing” rather than “obtaining” & “accumulating.”

And you give thanks for the simple things you’ve been blessed with; things that millions of people upon the face of the earth can only dream about a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed and the freedom to pursue your own dreams.

And then you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you’ve learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships, how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it’s not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren’t done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace.. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO. You learn that you don’t know all the answers, it’s not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be, and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be, more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it’s wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet “your” standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that “alone” does not mean “lonely” and you begin to discover the joy of spending time “with yourself” and “on yourself.” Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so, it comes to pass that through understanding your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn’t change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So, you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead. You set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn’t always fair and you don’t always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God… but merely a random act of fate.

And you stop looking for guarantees because you’ve learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you’ll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY… the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. Then a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you FAKE a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

A word about the Power of Prayer: In some of my darkest, most painful and frightening hours, I have prayed not for the answers to my prayers or for material things but for my “God” to help me find the strength, confidence and courage to persevere; to face each day and to do what I must do.

Remember this: “You are an expression of the almighty. The spirit of God resides within you and moves through you. Open your heart, speak to that spirit and it will heal and empower you.” My “God” has never failed me.

Copyright © 1999 Sonny Carroll All Rights Reserved

For permission to post, contact sonny@waketolife.com
Unfortunately, this has been copied, plagiarized and posted on countless websites falsely crediting another writer who promoted herself as the author. I ask that if you see The Awakening on any sites, crediting anyone other than Sonny Carroll, please contact alert@awaketolife.com with the website address of the site.

THE SPIRIT (AND DISPIRIT) OF 76

Every September, I put pen to paper (finger to keyboard, actually) and reflect on my progress toward functional obsolescence and the bone yard beyond.

This year, I celebrated – in a hilariously non-celebratory manner – the completion of my seventy-sixth year on this troubled planet.

It was, to describe it from one of the more favorable viewpoints, a unique experience – unique being the most euphemistic adjective that comes to mind.

What made it not only tolerable, but quite pleasant, were contacts with a sadly diminishing number of friends and an almost frighteningly increasing number of descendants.

It was a memorable day, but not one of nonstop emotional fun and games, as were those of my youth.

Let’s face it, gang – staying alive is second only to getting born as a basic goal in life, although what happens in the interim is what living is all about.

Therefore, birthdays are relatively irrelevant, except for that critical first one.

That said, though, certain milestones acquire pseudosignificance to most Americans.

Sixteen, for example, is when young men acquire both their wheels and an abundance of testosterone, major assets in the pursuit of young women. The latter group looks forward to the same age as the occasion for their “sweet 16″ party (quince para las chicas latinas), an event to be overshadowed only by one or more weddings, not necessarily related to age.

With eighteen comes the privilege of voting, exercised by too many of our kids about as avidly and frequently as proctological checkups.

At 21, they’re able to openly purchase and quaff the spirituous beverages that most of them have already been throwing down surreptitiously for some time.

Thereafter, anniversaries of note lose much of their attractiveness. People preoccupied with their physical appearance tend to see thirty as the dreaded point atop the peak of carefree and wrinkle-free existence, when they begin to view joie de vivre through a mental rear-view mirror.

This “over the hill” syndrome, if not experienced then, almost invariably weighs in at the “big four-oh,” when several physical functions tend to start to weigh out simultaneously.

Males tend to fight this malady with frantic forays into past activities, while females resort to lotions, potions, dietary fads and hot tips in the media.

Middle age is difficult to categorize, although it is nearly always a moving target, being defined by teenagers as a thirtysome event, which they drive back in time as they “mature” (or deteriorate, in the minds of their successors-to-be in thirtydom).

Arguably, middle-age has arrived for sure when the half-century mark is observed, excluding only those who optimistically plan to buck for centenarian status and victims of blind narcissism.

Cutting back to the chase at hand, a reasonable person of mid-septuagenarian vintage (okay, so that’s a heavy load of verbiage, but it’s less abrasive than “old fart”) should be – and this one is – grateful for however many years may lie ahead.

At the same time, that gratitude can be – and is – mixed with a mourning of the decades irretrievably buried in the past.

NOT FOR SISSIES

Advancing age is not for sissies, one discovers with increasing clarity after the blooms of youth and middle age have withered, that – cliches though they be – those whimsical references to the only known alternative are nonetheless both irrefutable and inconsistent with that second most important goal in life earlier cited herein.

Curiously, despite the grimness of the subject matter, there are far more jokes about being old than about being young, and we in Geezerworld laugh heartily at them all.

On the surface, this makes little sense, since we’re giggling about aches, pains, memory lapses, malfunctioning equipment, replacement body parts, serial medical procedures and a growing preoccupation with our personal plumbing.

There are several reasons for this Pagliaccian behavior, the first of which is the obvious fact that there ain’t diddly squat we can do about oldness.

Then there’s the additional fact that we tend to take ourselves less seriously during our decades of decline than we did when preoccupied with hormones, acne, physical passions, pregnancy, others’ opinions of us, our role in society, fashion trends, the taming of teen- agers, the pursuit of excellence, the long-term health of the planet and the short-term impact of current events.

It is not that we are insensitive to the world’s problems or our own afflictions, but that we’ve come to buy into the philosophy of the mythical Puck, a.k.a. Robin Goodfellow, who confessed that “if I laugh at any mortal thing, ’tis that I may not weep.”

Too, there’s the classic pronouncement that “it ain’t over ’til it’s over,” opined by either Casey Stengel, Yogi Berra or William F. Buckley, Jr.

Did I mention that we grayheads also develop a lousy memory for names?

Joe Klock, Sr. Is a freelance writer in Key Largo, Fl. Contact him by e-mail (JoeKlock@aol.com) or call (305) 451-0079.”

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CAREGIVERS, TAKE A BREAK!

Refresh yourself with a quick getaway.

Feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and guilty? Trying to “do it all” and not feeling successful? Whether caring for your adult parents, an ailing spouse, or other relative, you could be a victim of “caregiver burnout” and you’re not alone.

According to the Agency on Aging, more then seven million people are providing informal caregiver services for friends and loved ones.

Caregiving is physically, mentally and emotionally draining. The day-in and day-out needs of everyone involved take their toll. Respite care is a great way to help alleviate some of the stress of caregiving.

What is respite care? “Respite” refers to short term, temporary care to provide relief to caregivers of the infirm or disabled. Respite care can from a few hours to run errands to a slightly longer period involving overnight stays.

ON SURVIVAL

Caregivers often indicate they are not sure they will “out-survive” the people for whom they are caring; thus, there are often two “at risk” persons in the making: the caregiver and the person cared for.

Respite care is offered to help caregivers and their families relieve stress and give them an opportunity to resume normal activities for a short duration.

Where can I find help?

The enactment of the Older Americans Act Amendments of 2000 (Public Law 106-501) established an important new program, the National Family Caregiver Support Program (NFCSP). The program was developed by the Administration on Aging (AoA) of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS).

Funded at $125 million in fiscal year 2001, approximately $113 million has been allocated to states through a congressionally mandated formula that is based on a proportionate share of the 70+ population. The program calls for all states, working in partnership with area agencies on aging and local community-service providers to have five basic services for family caregivers, including: caregiving responsibilities; and supplemental services, on a limited basis, to complement the care provided by caregivers.

The Eldercare Locator is a nationwide, directory assistance service designed to help older persons and caregivers locate local support resources for aging Americans. Click for more information.

The local AAA is one of the first resources a caregiver should contact when help is needed. Almost every state has one or more AAA, which serves local communities, older residents, and their families. (In a few states, the State Unit or Office on Aging serves as the AAA.) Local AAA’s are generally listed in the city or county government sections of the telephone directory under “Aging” or “Social Services.” (Source U.S. Administration on Aging)

A Quick Getaway

When the time is right for a longer break, think creatively. You want to use the time to do something that is relaxing and refreshing. A three-day weekend at a resort is a wonderful thought but may not be in your budget. Call your local travel agent to check on mini-vacation specials. Go on a bus tour of a scenic area – preferably one you’ve never visited. Check with friends who might be willing to loan out their house. Visit a religious retreat. Go camping in a National Forest or even your backyard. If you miss going to the movies, check into a local motel with your VCR, rent a bunch of movies, make some popcorn and lay back! The key is to take a break from everyday life and the associated stresses so you return energized.

Common Warning Signs of Caregiver Burnout

1. Extreme fatigue, lack of concentration and insomnia

2. Depression and loss of the ability to cope with everyday things

3. Denial about the severity/outcome of the illness

4. Misdirected anger towards others, including the patient

5. General irritability

6. Mood swings

7. Withdrawal from activities and friends

8. Lack of appetite

9. Expression of anxiety about the future

10. General health problems

Burnout Quiz

  • Rate each question by how true it is: seldom, sometimes, often, or usually.

  • I find I can’t get enough rest.

  • I don’t have enough time for myself.

  • I don’t have time to be with other family members beside the person care for.

  • I feel guilty about my situation.

  • I don’t get out much anymore.

  • I have conflict with the person I care for.

  • I have conflicts with other family members.

  • I cry everyday.

  • I worry about having enough money to make ends meet.

  • I don’t feel I have enough knowledge or experience to give care as well as I’d like.

  • My own health is not good.

If the response to one or more of these areas is usually true or often true it may be time to begin looking for help with caring for the care-receiver and help in taking care of yourself.

Try to eat three balanced meals daily, add a multivitamin supplement if you are unable to do so.

Exercise on a regular basis. You’ll not only have more energy, you’ll get rid of stress.

  • Get at least eight hours of sleep daily.

Maintain Your Emotional Health

Set aside at least thirty minutes a day, just for you. If this is too much at one time, then try two fifteen minute breaks. It doesn’t matter what you do, read, sew, or just sit in your rocker, make it something that you enjoy.

  • Change your routine on a regular basis; don’t get stuck in a rut.

Maintain Your Mental Health

Learn and use some type of relaxation exercises. Yoga and meditation are both helpful but even guided imagery can help.

  • If you’re not comfortable with relaxation techniques, listen to soothing music or read something that personally uplifts you.

  • Realize that it’s okay to feel guilty, stressed, and even angry.

  • Try to find one good thing about a bad day. Maybe something as simple as the sun is shining.

Communication and Support

Let your family and/or friends know when you need help. They can’t read your mind and you’ll be surprised at the amount of support you’ll receive.

  • Even if you have assistance from your family and/or friends, try to find a support group for caregivers in your local area.

Laughter is the Best Medicine

Try to see the lighter side of things, especially when you feel stressed.

  • Take a break and watch a funny movie; read a funny book; share humorous stories with others.

  • When you find yourself frowning, stop and smile. You’ll be surprised at what that can do for your mood.

Remember, if your care receiver doesn’t have a smile, share one of yours.

Feel free to modify and add your own statement(s) of rights to this list. Remember to read the list to yourself every day.

I have the right . . .

To take care of myself. This is not an act of selfishness. It will give me the capacity to take better care of my relative.

To seek help from others even though my relative may object. I recognize the limits of my endurance and strength.

To maintain facets of my own life that do not include the person I care for, just as I would if he or she were healthy. I know that I do everything that I reasonable can for this person, and I have the right to do some things just for myself.

To get angry, be depressed and express other difficult feelings occasionally.

To reject any attempt by my relative (either conscious or unconscious) to manipulate me through guilt, anger or depression.

To receive consideration, affection, forgiveness and acceptance for what I do from my loved one for as long as I offer these qualities in return.

To take pride in what I am accomplishing and to applaud the courage it has sometimes taken to meet the needs of my relative.

To protect my individuality and my right to make a life for myself that will sustain me in the time when my relative no longer needs my full-time help.

To expect and demand that as new strides are made in finding resources to aid physically and mentally impaired older persons in our country, similar strides will be made toward aiding and supporting caregivers.

To ______________________________________________ [add your statement of rights]

Author unknown

PASS THIS ON TO SOMEONE YOU KNOW WHO NEEDS TO READ IT!

WHO BUILT THAT CAR?

Old friends during the ’40s and ’50s. We coveted them. Sometimes we even owned one or two. All gone now. How many can you remember?

Which auto models belong with what builders?

 

MODEL

1. Ambassador

2. Biscayne

3. Clipper

4. Commander

5. Fairlane

6. Firedome

7. LaSalle

8. Pacemaker

9. Rocket 88

10. Zephyr

BUILDER

A. Cadillac

B. Chevrolet

C. DeSoto

D. Ford

E. Hudson

F. Lincoln

G. Nash

H. Oldsmobile

I. Packard

J. Studebaker

 


Answers: 1-G; 2-B; 3-I; 4-J; 5-D; 6-C; 7-A; 8-E; 9-H; 10-F

 


 

How’d you do?

0-1 Right
You say you’re still trying to figure out where the clutch pedal is on your family MixMaster?

2-4 Right
Your grandchildren should do that well.

5-7 Right

Okay, you passed, but you should’ve remembered Nash.

8-9 Right
Pretty good — you probably also know whether they were 6′s or 8′s or came in both flavors.

10 !!
Okay, Einstein. So now explain the origin of the word “flivver”.

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.” There would have been more “I love you’s.” More “I’m sorry’s.”

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute…look at it and really see it … live it .and never give it back. Stop sweating the small stuff.

Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.

Instead, let’s cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Let’s think about what God HAS blessed us with. And what we are doing each day. I hope you all have a blessed day.

MY FUNNY VALENTINE

Do you happen to have a remarkable Valentine love in your life who, bless-his-little-pea-pickin’ heart, try as he will, (And he always will try!) never seems to get any handyman job done quite right?

My darling Robo-Hub is one of those sweethearts. His words, “I’ll fix that myself because it’ll be cheaper.” have struck torrents of terror into my soul on more than one occasion. You must love him for it, though, because he is so danged enthusiastic and determined.

Similar to after childbirth in women, Ro’s do-it-yourself fiascoes appear to cause an amnesia-like state, wherein there is no connection between past pain or suffering and his current handyman expectations. Rather, the sheer thrill of birthing a new pound, piece, and paint project masks any semblance to reality.

Let me site his fixing of our front door as an example: When it was extremely windy, our front door would sometimes blow open. We’d wake up in the morning or return home from shopping to find that door standing wide-open.

Finding it totally unacceptable, not to mention dangerous, Ro said, “I’ll fix that myself because it’ll be cheaper.” For several days, Robo plotted a tablet-full of strategies, graphing angles and ruler-precise linear details for how to get that door to stay shut properly.

Then came the rounds of false starts because in the middle of the repair he decided he needed a new tool, or half-dozen, before continuing. Countless trips to Home Depot, Sherman Williams, Orchard Supply, and Paul’s Restaurant where other Hub-advice experts gather around plates of bacon and eggs, are mandatory components of each Robo home project.

For reasons I can’t fathom to this day, chatting it up with walk-by neighbors, postmen, church ladies, children, door-to-door miracle cleaner salesmen, and chasing runaway dogs figure into Rob’s door repair calculations Finally after about a month or so of Ro’s “fixing” the door and my having to climb into the house via a patio window, I’ll collude with a commercial door repair service to secretly come finish the job!

Rob will never notice the garbage bag plastic entry he designed to hermetically seal us from unwanted intrusion is gone because by this time, he’s already happily drafting and designing plans for a plumbing project with plunger, hip-waders, and his ever-positive attitude, securely in hand.

I’d like to acknowledge the grateful heart and warm feelings wives hold for their Robo-hubs and particularly wish mine many more years of fixing things himself because it’s been priceless.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

MaryAnn receives Valentine’s Cards at MAMAUTHOR1@aol.com